It’s Wednesday…I race out the door,
keys and cell phone in one hand, purse and computer bag swung over my shoulder,
and Vika’s lil’ hand grasping my other hand. As I lock the door behind us, we quickly pile into the car,
and pull outta the driveway. Typical
morning thus far…no problems…just rushing to get Baby Cakes to daycare and myself
to work, in a timely fashion. It
seems like I’m always rushing these days.
Back up, throughout my ten-month
journey to bring home my daughter, I was repeatedly asked if I had truly
thought through what I was doing…not so much the adoption, but choosing to
become a single-mother. “What kind
of father figure was this lil’ girl going to have? Every child deserves a father, Rachel, and you’re taking
that opportunity away from her.
How selfish can you really be?
You are making the biggest mistake of your life! You will pay for this, until the day
you die!” Yup, those were SOME of
the hateful, unsupportive, naïve comments people insisted I NEEDED to
hear. Obviously, I didn’t listen…and
thankfully I had more people standing alongside me, supporting me throughout my
journey to mamahood, than those trying to “save” me from making a mistake.
Back to the
hurried drive to Vika’s daycare…all 1.4 miles of it…Vika is sitting in her
booster seat, bouncing her purple cow on her lap, as we go through the rules at
daycare. And then…It just broke my
heart to hear that little voice ask from the back seat of the car, speak words
I will never forget - "Momma, where’s my daddy? LJ has a daddy.
Where is Vike’s daddy?"
Yes, my
four-year-old baby girl has realized that she is “missing” something the other
kids at daycare have. I knew the
question would eventually happen, but I didn’t expect it this early, and
honestly, I was hoping she would have a daddy before she realized he was
“missing”. No such luck with my
smart, lil’, observant daughter.
I sat…stunned…unsure
of how to respond. I wasn't
prepared for this moment at all. I
had no response ready and simply said, “huh?” Vika repeated her question, as though I hadn’t heard her the
first time. I responded with a
simple response, “it’s just you and me Vike. But your mama loves you o so much! And so does your dedushka
and papa.” Bless her heart, she
gave her cow a hug and said, “I love you too, mama.” *tears*
All
day, I couldn’t get Vika’s sweet innocent voice outta my mind: “Momma,
where’s my daddy?” And apparently,
God decided to give me another opportunity to “properly” respond to her
question, because the next morning as we were getting ready for the day, Vika
walked into the bathroom, looked right into my eyes and said, “mama, me no
daddy? Me only a mama.” After a few seconds of feeling
helpless, I remembered I had a response!
I put the toilet seat down, picked Vika up, and holding her sweet lil’
face in my hands, I shared the truth with her…as abstract as it is…I told her
that she indeed DOES HAVE a DADDY and that His name is Jesus. I could see the lil’ wheels turning, as
she tried to comprehend what I had just told her. Seconds later, she responds, “Jesus? Thank you Jesus for my food, Jesus? Mama, Jesus is my daddy?” “Yes, that Jesus. He is your daddy. And He is always here with you.” So now (well the last 5 nights), when
she prays before bed, she talks to her daddy. It is the most precious thing ever!
I’m
sure she doesn’t fully comprehend what I said, but I planted a seed to be harvested
later. But for those who thought I
was doing her a “disservice” by not providing her with a family consisting of a
mama and daddy…she has something even better than an earthly daddy…she is building
a relationship with her Heavenly Daddy, and in His timing, He will provide her
with an earthly daddy as well.
I can't conclude this post without sharing a resent picture of her sweet lil' face. My BIG blessing from my Heavenly Daddy! Home for four and a half months and is full of love for life!
