Not His Intent

May our hearts grow softer and our voices rise louder…

“Defend the cause of the weak and the fatherless; Maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.  Deliver the weak and needy from the hand of the wicked.”  Ps 82:3-4

There is a saying often said by believers to bring reassurance and comfort during times of trial that actually makes me want to cringe.  This is not intended to ruffle anyone’s feathers, but since this is my blog, I’m going to tell it how I see it. The saying, "It is all in God's hand…that is His plan for your life..." ugh!  Regardless of the wording, the intent remains the same…God intended whatever to happen, to happen.

Throughout my life, and even the struggles of becoming a mama, I have heard this at least a hundred times, and every time I do, I want to scream.  But I don’t.  I attempt (although I’m sure my facial expressions have failed me) to remain calm, knowing someone is really attempting to be thoughtful. 

I believe God is omniscient.  I believe He knows what is going to happen even before it happens, even if it is not what He wants to happen. Suffering occurs in this world, but it was not part of God's original plan. In fact, truth of the matter is, I look at the world we live in and see that this life is FULL of things that are not part of God’s plan for His Children!  Open your eyes to the injustice around you.  The tears of the children and grief of the parents who can not care for their beloved babies weighs so heavily on my heart at times.  In the midst of it, I have to believe that God loves every soul – equally and passionately — and grieves for each situation individually more than I can understand.

In a perfect world, however, there would be no need for adoption. Biological families would stay together.  Children would be raised by loving parents or grandparents and remain in their homeland, surrounded by their culture and connected to their roots.  Obviously, statistics illustrate that we do not live in a perfect world. 

The Book of Genesis clearly states this. God allows for suffering because, without free will, our choices to follow Him or not follow Him would mean very little. Because of this, I believe that yes, God worked to bring Vika into my family... but... BUT... BUT…I believe that I was definitely His plan B for her life.

But still, some people feel the “need” to say, “it’s all part of God’s plan.”  Really?  Seriously?  I’m sorry but it bothers me to think of God, the One who sent His only Son to die for our sins, made us to be nothing but His puppets.  If it is true that we have a predestined path to follow, that is all planned before us, allowing us no choice in our path, then we are nothing more than a puppet and God is the puppeteer.  And if God’s the puppeteer then He creates all the hurt, suffering, disease, starvation, murder, etc. that we experience, and we have no responsibility for our own actions.   That makes absolutely no sense to me!!!!

For those of you who disagree and feel I should be “thrown outta the church” please explain to me why this loving God would purposefully put any child in an orphanage or give them a glimpse of the family they could have and then take it away? Why would He take the most amazing mom from a son and leave a gaping hole in the family that needed her? 

I believe that God's first choice is for all children to grow up within the loving arms of their biological families. When abandonment, relinquishment and/or forced removal occurs...well...I believe that is because something  from this world, not God, caused it to happen. As you know, adoption is a redemptive response to a tragedy. It is an absolute TRAGEDY that a child cannot stay with his or her biological family, whether it be caused by the personal sin of the parents (engaging in sinful behavior such as abuse, for example), or the sins of another who held power over the parents (whether familial, societal or political), or because of the overall sin of living in a fallen world (where things such as poverty, illness and death exist) despite the parents being without fault within the situation.

To say that it was God's first choice for a child to experience adoption is the same - to me - as saying that it was God's first choice for someone to be murdered. That may not make sense to some of you, but it's how I feel. Whether I am right or wrong, I do not know. I've never claimed to be a Biblical scholar. But it is how I feel.

I will not pretend to think that I know what God is thinking or doing.  But I will say, I do not see Him, "the God who so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life," John 3:16 being that kind of God. 

In fact I believe quite the opposite.  Every disease, hurt, murder, abortion, or whatever you can come up with was in fact caused by man's decisions.  Maybe not YOUR decision, but somewhere, at some point, someone made a decision that has created this suffering.  And maybe it was Adam and Eve who sinned, who’s sin caused disease, suffering and pain to enter this world. Every roadblock, setback, and heartache I received on this journey to motherhood was not a God thing. It is an illustration of man's corrupt selfish nature.  

Now do I think God answers prayers, Yes. Do I think miracles happen, Yes.  Do I believe He left us here to rot and kill each other, No.   However, without freewill to make our own choices: evil, good, or indifference, it takes away the reason God created man, which was to have fellowship with Him.  I am not sure about you, but I have never had much fellowship with a puppet.

I do think God has a plan, but we choose or do not choose to be part of it.  We chose to love.  We chose to be part of the solution or one who sits and waits for others to act.

Orphan Statistics

It is estimated there are between 143 million and 210 million orphans worldwide (recent UNICEF report.)  The current population of the United States is just a little over 300 million and the current population of Russia is 141 million.

Every day 5,760 more children become orphans

2,102,400 more children become orphans every year in Africa alone 

Every 15 seconds, another child in Africa becomes an AIDS orphan

There are an estimated 18 million AIDS orphans in Sub-Saharan Africa with 8 out of 10 children orphaned by AIDS lives in sub-Saharan Africa

Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but… 

Each year 14, 505, 000 children grow up as orphans and age out of the system by age sixteen

Each day 38,493 orphans age out

Every 2.2 seconds another orphan ages out with no family to belong to and no place to call home

In Russia and the Ukraine, studies have shown that 10% – 15% of these children commit suicide before they reach age eighteen

These studies also show that 60% of the girls become prostitutes and 70% of the boys become hardened criminals 

Another Russian study reported that of the 15,000 orphans aging out of state-run institutions every year, 10% committed suicide, 5,000 were unemployed, 6,000 were homeless and 3,000 were in prison within three years…

Adoption, however, is not the answer for solving the underlying issues of poverty, disease, famine and war.  It won’t stop the cycle of more children becoming orphans.  Adoption is often a band-aid placed over a gaping wound.  It is a life-line thrown out to a precious few… it rescues a small percentage from going over the falls.  The tough question, as we see the overwhelming need, is how do we bring solutions to the root of the issue?  How do we make a difference not just in one child’s life through adoption, but in the lives of the thousands left behind…and ultimately how do we stop the cycles that turn innocent children into orphans?

End world hunger and many adoptions will no longer occur. Stop stigmatizing single mothers, passing judgment on them, and many adoptions will no longer occur. Help find the cure for AIDS and many adoptions will no longer occur.

Children growing up in abject poverty do not necessarily need adoptive families... they need food and clothes. Children born to a single mother do not necessarily need adoptive families... they need their fathers to face up to the responsibility of raising them. Children born with special needs do not necessarily need adoptive families... they need access to adequate medical care and a community that embraces, rather than stigmatizes them.

It can be difficult to allow ourselves to really think about the statistics and what they represent.  Its easy to respond numbly and see the statistics in terms of thousands or millions, but when we allow ourselves to become personally involved and risk the heart-grief that follows awareness, they become more than mere statistics…they become real children with real hearts that ache for their parents.  They become real bodies that hunger for care.  Every single child that makes up the thousands or millions is a precious child, just like my Vika.  

That does not mean that I think adoptions should end. So, if that’s what you take away from this post, you missed the boat. Because the tragedies will still occur. My daughter was abandoned when she was a newborn. She lived in an orphanage for four years. At the time of her adoption, returning to her biological family was not an option...it was either to grow up in an orphanage or to grow up with an adoptive family. She is a wonderful little girl...one who deserves a family, just as ALL children deserve families. Since her biological family was no longer an option, for whatever reason, I am glad that God chose me, as His plan B, to be her adoptive family.

But her adoption? Was a band-aid placed over a gaping wound in Russia.

We continue to need the redemptive response of adoption...we live in a fallen world, a place where children continue to need a second chance at a family. But that does not mean we should wash our hands of and ignore the tragedies that cause that need in the first place. What are you doing to help end adoption?

I believe adoption is necessary, but when we focus solely on adoption, I think we look at only a small part of God's solution for a problem created out of sin. We need to dream BIG.  With God, ALL things are possible. We need to not only care for the orphans, but also the widows, the sick and the impoverished. We need to work to end the need for adoption while at the same time opening our homes to the children who need families the most.

I pray that my own heart will continue to be stirred and my resolve strengthened to speak out for those that have no voice.  These precious children need advocates.  They need men and women willing to make a difference…willing to stand in the gap and act on their behalf.