Mother for a Little Mammoth

An old Soviet cartoon...the lil' song about children never getting lost and how the lil' mammoth held his new mommy's tail...*sniff sniff*.  O how my heart yearns for the day, I walk outta the orphanage hand in hand with my daughter. 

New Horizons for Children 2011

"The first step is to find out what you love – and don’t be practical about it. The second step is to start doing what you love immediately, in any small way possible."
Barbara Sher

So, what do you love? What does your life say you love? Is it others? Is it you? Is it your things? What is it that you truly LOVE??? I love the orphans, the fatherless, who have no one else to love them. That is the desire in my heart that the Lord has given to me. These are the children my heart breaks for. These are the children found around the world, who I love. These are the ones I pray know they are loved!

A Load of Emotions

So, here I am, a week after spending three days getting to know my daughter, a precious lil’ girl, who the Lord is blessing me with.   What a blessing that is coming from an act of obedience!!  He is placing a sweet child in my family!!!  Praise God!

The last few weeks, have been a struggle for me, full of numerous emotions, imagining the life my baby girl has lived thus far.  It breaks my heart to think that my daughter has had no one to hold her when she was sick and not feeling well.  When she fell down and scraped her knee, I picture her caregiver quickly cleaning it off and then telling her to move along--not caring whether it hurts, not giving her a hug, not asking if she's okay and not giving her a kiss.  My heart just breaks with these thoughts, knowing that this continues to be the way things are, for her, even though she has a momma, who loves her dearly and wants to care for her, but can’t because there are 5,000 miles separating us. 

It doesn’t seem just or right.  In fact, it seems just plain wrong, and angers me.  My baby, regardless of how well cared they care for her in the baby home, she is still living as an orphan:  a life absent of a mommy.  It’s one thing when you don’t have a mommy, but when you do and that mommy wants nothing more than to bring her home and love her, but is forced to wait and remain absent from her life, is heart wrenching.  That is where I find myself…sitting and waiting.  Waiting for a court date, followed by waiting for the 10 day “waiting period” and then finally traveling for the THIRD time to bring her home.  It just seems so far away, full of WAITING…November 27^th, is my estimated travel date for court, 10 days after my baby turns 4.  Another birthday spent in an orphanage…another year gone by without a mommy.  Yes, that is the sad reality facing my dear lil’ V…and unfortunately, it’s not just the reality for my baby, but for millions of children around the world.  Depressing.

So, although my body is here, my heart is there. While I wait, I pray, I trust…knowing that our future is really in the hands of the Great I AM.  And during this time of WAIT (ugh the most dreaded word in my vocabulary, right now), I have had to find something to occupy my time and energy.  Otherwise, I can guarantee I would have already drove myself and those around me CrAzY!!!

So, what am I putting my energy into?  I have committed the next three months…and the rest of my life to advocating for orphans around the world.  One does not have to look very far in Scripture to gain an understanding of God's Dream for the fatherless.  His "dream" is that the fatherless be placed in families, and that the orphans and widows be cared for.  Our God hates injustice and promises to be a stronghold for the oppressed.  Although we may not "like" every bump and turn in the roads of our lives, we can be confident that "He works all things for good," and ultimately, in the end, our God’s plan preserves!

God's Dream is Bigger than our Passions. 
If there are two truths that I have grasped in the last three years, it is these:
1 - Children are "God's dream;" it is His idea, His mandate, that we be "fruitful and multiply." 
2 - From Genesis (3:15) to Revelation (12:17), we see that there is a battle raging for the "woman and her seed."  It cannot be denied that there is a WAR against our kids... for their hearts, their minds, their innocence, their destiny.  It is my mandate as a mother to go to war - in prayer- for my kids!  And that is what I commit to do, for lil’ V and the remaining 163 million orphans around the world!

I am confident that God's dream is bigger than my passions.  My passion, of course, is getting orphans home (particularly my daughter) sooner than later.  This passion is painful at times - manifested as a lump in my throat, a ball of steel in my gut, or a welling of tears in my eyes.  I look at her pictures with longing, and the picture of the many orphans I have met around the world.  I wish I could hop on a plane tomorrow and bring her and so many others home.  

Through it all (including the dreaded wait), I am certain that God's Dream is steadfast.  He started me on this journey and He will continue to lead me to her, and lead her home.  I am LIVING God's dream!  What an amazing thought!  In addition, God continues to remind me, that there is a "spirit of adoption" among my dear friends.  We have a word that has been given to us, which then prompted us to do more than talk about the injustice in the world, but to go live out His passion.  For all of you who have encouraged and supported me on this journey, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  With your help there will be one less orphan…one more child with a family… one more life changed.

Please remain posted as I begin advocating for precious children around the world, waiting for a mommy and daddy to come to them and show them true hope, love, and a life worth living.  It’s all summed up in two small words:  SIMPLY LOVE!!!

Be a Piece of the Puzzle

When I began this journey, it was a big step of faith for me.  Though I have wanted to adopt for some time, I felt resistance from many and it quickly became a greater leap of faith for me.  For those of you, who are encouraging and supporting, I really can't say how much this outpouring of love means to me…you are the best!

One thing I have said and felt all along is that I don't want this to be just about me or lil’ V.  All I do and say is for His glory...it is all about being His hands and feet, and reflecting the love He has shown me, in my life.  I could not do what I am doing without the grace of God in my life, or without the love and support of family and friends like you.

So, I invite you to be a part of this journey with me.  It is hard to ask for money; it is almost embarrassing, but there is no way that I could fulfill God's calling without help.  I make enough money to take care of my new daughter.  It's getting her here that puts me in a pickle ;) So, please help me bring her home.

Here it is, THE PUZZLE FUNDRAISER. 

I am going to hold this fundraiser until I run out of pieces of the puzzle or I travel to court, whichever comes first.  I am praying that I run out of pieces much sooner than I travel, and can have the puzzle displayed in a double-sided frame, for when she comes home.  

The puzzle is a 500 piece puzzle of lil’ V and me from my first trip.  Only 499 pieces are open for the fundraiser.  The first piece (the cornerstone) is reserved for God, for it was by His leading and His power working through His people that brought lil’ V home to me.  The remaining 499 pieces are up for sale for $10 per piece.

If are moved to participate and help me financially bring home my daughter you can go into my paypal (on the right side of this page) or you can e-mail me and I can give you an alternative form of payment.  Then you will need to send me a message to my e-mail (rachel.beck07@gmail.com) to let me know the following information:  your name, how many pieces you paid for, and the name you want on the puzzle piece.  Each of your names will go on the back of a puzzle piece(s), so that as the puzzle comes together, it will be a great symbol of all the lives that worked together to bring her home.

If you are willing to stand with me and help fund her adoption I thank you!

 

Last and Final Visit of Trip 1

This morning was the last day with my baby girl, until I return for court, in a few months.  It was a sad day for me, but I have lots of memories and a full heart!  I had an hour and half with my girl this morning and then I went and had my acceptance of Lil' V's referral submitted to the committee, which means as of 3 pm, I have legally committed to adopting my daughter!!!!!  WOOT WOOT!!

 

Lil' V's passport picture!!!!  Isn't she a doll!?!?!

I will post more upon my return to the states after I process more of the last three days.  Thanks so much for all the prayers as today was, by far, the most difficult.  I miss my baby girl and can't imagine life without her.  She stole my heart, with the first smile!!!

My Lil' BIG Blessing from God

ALL ABOUT MY GIRL

~Lil V was born 4 months after I turned 22.

~She is a serious lil’ girl who sits back and takes everything in.

~She makes AMAZING eye contact.

~She acknowledges me as her Mama (by pointing to and coming to me when asked about her ‘Mama’).

~She stays close to me, but reminds me of my sis…one who would rather self-entertain than be surrounded by her peers.

~Her growth is on target.  She currently wears a 3T.

~Her fine motor skills are great…she enjoys playing with play doh (a first for her) and enjoys dressing and undressing baby dolls.

~She is currently in Speech Therapy.  She has been in an orphanage environment since birth and I have ‘heard’ that institutionalized children lose 1 month of development for every 3 months spent in an institution. She is currently 45.5 months old, which would be equivalent to a 15 month delay, so I will be evaluating her developmental progress according to a 30 month old child.  I am unsure this figure is true for her speech/language (we shall see), and I feel her other areas of development are on target with actual age.  I believe that learning a new language will put her further behind temporarily, but of course I will be working with her daily on speech/language and I will also incorporate speech therapy, if necessary.  I have no concerns she will pick up English very quickly.  She is sooooo smart!

~She is quiet.

~ She loves music and dancing.

~She resembles me in some ways.

~She doesn’t give out smiles indiscriminately – but once she’s comfortable,  I have found I don’t have to work for these anymore.  She gives them to me freely!!

~I have only heard her laugh once, which was today, when a swung her around in a circle—so I find  I’m going to have to work hard for this.  However, hearing her laugh makes my efforts more than worth it.

Today’s visit was a time of READING…

 

PLAYING WITH PLAY DOH…

PLAYING WITH DOLLS (undressing, bathing and re-dressing them)

SHARING LOTS OF KISSES WITH MOMMA

HER KISSING MOMMA!!!!

Today I will see my daughter for the last time until I return to St. Pe*t for court in approx 3 months.  I don’t know how I will wait that long.  Saying that I will miss her very much, doesn’t even come close to how gut wrenching it is to think that I will not be able to see for nearly 90 days or 2,160 hours.  I understand children this young struggle with the concept of time, but my baby girl understands I’m her momma and that I will come and see her again…

On my first visit, when the caregiver said, “time’s up” and tried to take lil’ V she stood hand in hand with me, and would not let go.  Her eyes got glossy as she stared intensely into my eyes.  As they took her, and walked her away from me, she teared up, turning around the whole time they walked down the hallway with her doll her Aunt Stephie made her.  It was too precious…but also melted my heart that after only a 45 minute visit, she was sad to be taken away from me.  As I said, I think prior to my arrival lil’ V has had her heart guarded and God has been protecting her from much pain.

However, today, when it was time to go, she walked out with me, hand in hand, and gave me a kiss good-bye.  When the caregiver took her, she quickly glanced back as they headed down the hall, and waved “good-bye” to her momma.  When the caregiver returned, she informed me that the transition was easier for lil’ V this time…and said, that lil’ V declared, “I know my momma is coming back to see me.  She’s going to take me away.”  Awwww, how precious is that???  It melted my heart, but also broke it…this baby girl knows I’m coming back and that she will no longer be an orphan.  But does she realize it will be a long three months with more mommas taking more children away, while her momma seems to have disappeared?  My fear is that she will think I forgot or abandon her.  I am praying that the caregivers allow her to keep her doll, Llama (that she’s played wit during my visits, but that I have taken back each day to sleep with) and photo album of pictures to help her remember me.

My heart is aching for her but most of all for all the other orphans that don't have anyone coming for them.  Each one is precious, not only to me, but to our Heavenly Father!  What if we ALL saw them as He sees them?  I’ll tell you what would happen…there would be ORPHANS NO MORE!!!

Emotional Day One

I’ve said it more than once, but I’ll say it again: "I have come to realize more and more that the greatest disease and the greatest suffering is to be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, to be shunned by everybody, to just be nobody to no one" - Mother Teresa

That will no longer be the case for my lil’ girl.  She is wanted, cared for, loved, and near and dear to my heart.  She is a blessing from my Heavenly Father and I am beyond blessed.

I am so thankful the Lord opened my eyes to the true injustice of orphans around the world, back in 2009, in China.  It was then that the Lord opened my eyes to the vast need of so many unwanted, unloved, uncared for children.  Ever since then He has used it to weigh on my heart and drive to action, all to bring me to the place I am today…5,000 miles from home, looking into the eyes of a beautiful lil’ girl who needs a mommy.

And finally being able to look into those big beautiful eyes, has been one of the most amazing days of my life!  It has been a long time waiting, to receive an official referral.  It makes it seem more real, and offers extra assurance that no one else is going to try to adopt her, while I’m waiting for a court date.  It’s as though I can now say (not that I haven’t been already), this is my daughter, with more assurance that this is the lil’ girl the Lord has for me.  As of Wednesday afternoon, it will no longer be a concern as she will be “claimed for” (by me) and no longer available for adoption unless a family member steps up and wants to pursue her (however, I am not concerned about this happening).  Anyhow, just to be here and finally meet her for the first time…it’s surreal!  She is so worth it all…all the paperwork, all the time, all the tears and prayers, and yes even all the $$$.  She is worth it and so much more!  I would give it all, all over again.

When I saw my daughter’s eyes light up for the first time and saw this big, beautiful smile stretch across her face, I melted.  What the social worker had to share, about her and her past no longer meant anything.  She was perfect and there was nothing she was going to say, to change my heart.   Thankfully, they are going to translate her entire file and give it to me after court, since I missed much of what they were sharing, because I was more interested in holding and whispering, “Ya lyu-blyu te-bya” (I love you) and “Vsya ho-ro-sho” (it’s all right), to my V.

I wanted to get on my knees and ask God, why He is so good to me.  I know, to many, I do not appear to be the most qualified for the race set before me.  However, I was obedient and willing…and I believe that’s why I’m here right now…because I was willing.  And for those of you who have stood beside me, encouraging me throughout the last 6 months and even the months leading to my decision, I thank you. 

She is everything I prayed for and so much more...and soon we will be walking hand-in-hand through an airport to head HOME!!!!